The Cool and Calm Reasoning of Men During Child Birth

I think that most of us blokes try to approach child birth with support for our ladies when they go into labour, but let’s be fair; the vast majority of us are at a loss and can only hold a hand. 

We say things like, “Push,” then look to nurses and mother-in-laws for support, thinking they have all the ‘get out of jail free cards,’ to get us through the experience. Sometimes we get the odd stinging reply back from the partner who is in the throw of labour.

I was talking to my son and daughter-in-law after the birth of our grandson Dennis on the 20^th of January 2016. (Mentioned in previous blog) I had been to see him for the first time and was playing with the granddaughter who was toddling about.

The conversation went onto how the daughter-in-law’s labour came about. Claire was saying how she had been tiding up and had just put something on the shelf when her water's broke. Lloyd, my son, reacted the same way as I had during the birth of my four sons. He panicked and called for Mum-in-law and all clambered into the car and off to hospital for delivery and a rather disorganised night out. We were all laughing about the event afterwards and it reminded me of a comical and rather embarrassing thing I did during the birth of my fourth son, Ryan.

I decided to tell Claire the story and Lloyd started laughing because I, no doubt, had told him before and he was about 11 years of age at the time.

It was 1996 when I turned up in the hospital car park at Basildon, Essex about 6am. It was a summer morning on June 10^th and I remember seeing the mother-in-law’s partner coming out of the hospital in the early hours as I was running across the car park. He had driven Hayley to the hospital with her mother. Hayley, who I was with, had decided to stay at her mother’s that night because the house was closer to the hospital.

I got into the delivery area to find Hayley and her mother, Barbara, standing in a corridor about to enter one of the many delivery rooms along the corridor. One side of the corridor had delivery rooms and on the other side was a line of doors that were toilet cubicles.

There were a few nurses going about their duties as we entered the small room with a bed and the pull around curtains. There were also monitors and things and a chair either side of the bed. Hayley no sooner got up onto the bed when she said, “I need to pee.”

There followed a commotion where by Hayley would not use whatever it is they bring in and insisted that she wanted to go back into the corridor and across to the toilets. I just watched dumfounded as Hayley got up from bed and walked off with her mother and a nurse trying to advise her. Hayley was often stubborn about odd things and on this occasion she was going to pee in the toilet even though she was having a baby.

So there I am, thinking 'women are rather strange.' I’m here, sitting in a small delivery room in an unusually quite birth area of a hospital. Well, at least the expected baby would have good attention. It did all seem to have a lack of urgencey, or of expectant mothers. Maybe, it was just an unusual quite moment. Well, I waited and I waited but still Hayley, Mother-in-law (Barbara) and nurses did not return. No nurse popped in to say, “Don’t worry Colin, she will not be long.”

There was nothing and the whole place seemed empty. There was a complete lack of screaming mothers and busy nurses or even crying babies coming into the world. Here I was – a bloke alone in a delivery room of a hospital birth unit. I was feeling rather out of place. Perhaps the zombie apocolypse had happened. It seemed as though I was waiting for ages.

Then I heared a sudden upheaval in the delivery room next to me. Some people had arrived. I was sitting there listening to the nurses telling some poor lady to get onto the bed. It seemed more like the sort of thing one might expect in a hospital birth unit. It all sounded wonderfully normal. I could hear the lady moaning and crying out as the people around said words of comfort and so on. It was obvious that the lady was actually giving birth and now everything began to seem and sound normal for a birth unit in a hospital.

For the merest of moments I felt assured and refreshed at such expectant normality. Then to my horror I heard the nurse call out instructions. “Push Hayley push – you’re doing very well.”

I clutched my teeth in total frustration and muttered to myself, “Oh God! They’ve gone back into the empty room next door.” They must have thought I had gone on a walk about or a pee. Isn’t that just like women?

The call of another cry of pain and again I heard, “Push Hayley – good girl – you’re doing well.”

I shot up and marched out of the empty delivery room and proceeded next door, where it was all happening. This was it! The moment was now! I wanted to be in on the action for Hayley. Imagine in later years if I was not there during the birth. No one was going to say, "Colin was not there at the birth."

With great aplomb and gritty determination, I went into the new delivery room as the nurse again called, “Push Hayley push.”

I pulled upon the draw around curtains to see Hayley and the mother-in-law and nurses. The nurses were different from the ones who were with Hayley before she went to the toilet. I would also like to point out that Hayley, who was giving birth, and Mother-in-law were different too. I can’t say if an expectant father was also among the entourage because it was at that moment my skills of perception kicked in. I shut the curtains and walked off, knowing I had made a bit of a pig’s ear of that little escapade.

I saw the Hayley that I 'obviously' knew with familiar mother-in-law and nurses coming across the corridor from the toilet cubicle.

“Where have you been?” I heard someone say. I can’t remember who.

I just mumbled. “I thought it was you in there. Her name is Hayley too.”

   

Battle of Maldon - Birthnoth (Ealdorman of Essex AD 991)

Ealdorman Birthnoth

During the Dark Ages of AD 991 most of Anglo-Saxon England was ruled by King AEthelred the Unready. All of Britain was trembling before Viking raiders from Denmark and Norway. This had been so for many centuries and King AEthelred seemed less adapt at fighting the Vikings then previous Anglo-Saxon Kings for the English section of the British Isles.

A Viking named Olaf Tryggvason was leading his long ships on raids along the Essex coast of south east England. In this shire, lived an Ealdorman called Birthnoth, which meant he was a high ranking magistrate or sheriff of noble birth. He managed to issue a summons upon the Saxon men of Essex (East-Sax - East Saxon Lands.) A number responded to the call as the Viking Long Boats came up the River Blackwater in the shire of Essex.

The Vikings landed on an island in the river that most historians believe is today’s Northey Island, close to the town of Maldon. At first they tried to demand Danegeld to leave, but Birthnoth stubbornly refused. As the Norsemen disembarked from their long boats they began to muster and then tried to cross a narrow causeway that connected to the Essex mainland. This narrow stretch was easily defended by the Saxon warriors under the command of Birthnoth, which left the Vikings at a disadvantage under such cramped and narrow circumstances.

However, the noble Ealdorman Birthnoth became over gallant and did not keep a firm grip of the advantage he had. Instead he treated the serious battle as though it was a game of fairness, where each side had to compete on equal terms. With ill-deserved confidence and blind pride, he allowed the Viking host to come across the causeway and get into battle formation to meet the Saxons on equal terms.

If ever there is a prime example of stealing defeat from the jaws of victory, the ensuing Battle of Maldon was to become a text book example. Ealdorman Birthnoth may have been a die-hard romantic who believed in fair play and if so; he became immortalised in romantic verse and now echoes in eternity because of the fatal mistake he made.



As the Vikings and Saxons clashed, the fierce contest resulted in the deaths of many warriors on both sides. There can be no doubt of the bravery of the men slashing and chopping away in a riotous line – one force trying to outdo the other. Then Ealdorman Birthnoth was slain before his brave Saxon men. He fell as a group of his loyal Saxons formed around his stricken body.

One of the late Saxon Ealdorman’s companions, named Godric, was said to have climbed upon his horse and fled the scene of Battle. As this was done, the lesser of the Saxon warriors also began to flee, leaving the small throng of ardent loyalists around Ealdorman Birthnoth’s corpse. They were slaughtered to the last man and the brave Saxon was left beheaded by the Viking host with his dead followers about him.

A poem was written in commemoration of the Brave Ealdorman Birthnoth but the script was lost in a fire in 1731. Some of this poem was missing, so it remains incomplete. However there were copies made before it was destroyed.

Also J R R Tolkien, of Lord of the Rings fame, wrote a short story of two men searching for Birthnoth’s headless corpse in the aftermath of the battle. It is written as a poem come play – a lot of dialogue between the two men as they search among the slain Saxons during the night. The title of this work is called: The Homecoming of Beorhtnoth Beorhthelm’s Son.

After the battle, King AEthelred the Unready paid 10,000 Roman pounds to get rid of the Vikings on the ill advice (unready- bad council) of his noblemen.

Sources:

UK BATTLEFIELDS

TOLKIEN ESTATE

AETHALRED THE UNREADY

NORSEMEN

STATUES - HITHER & THITHER