Why I don't like Magicians.

The reason I don't like magicians is because I have always found them boring. Even as a little kid I was never impressed by them. When my second son, Paul, was still a kid and it was his birthday, my wife decided to throw a little birthday party for him, as one does.

He must have been about five or six at the time. All the little children from his class came to his party and my wife hired an old lady who was a magician for little kids' birthday parties. You know the people I mean - they are in local newspapers - phone one up, bung them a few pounds, and they come around for an hour and perform a few tricks for the children.

My wife (ex-wife now) told the old lady that I was not to taken with magicians - the way women do when you would prefer them not too. The old lady gave me an unappreciative look but went into the living room with a collapsible table and a small bag.

I stood at the back of the room behind the kids who were all switched onto the magic lady. She went through the usual boring routine and got some of the kids to participate. Then she had an old black top hat on the table and pulled a white rabbit from it. All the kids were delighted and I did not expect it, but then it is a regular trick, and the grumpy old me kicked in and thought, "Not that original."

When it was time to go I helped the old lady carry all her things out to the car. It was a Volvo estate car - very clean with no junk any where. I put the collapsible table in the back and she got into the driver's seat holding her small bag. I walked around the side of the car as she started it up and as I peered in, I was again struck by how clean the car was. It then struck me that a rabbit could not be in the small bag and apart from the collapsible table, which I put in the back; I could not fathom out where the rabbit was kept. It was a real rabbit and I did see it during her performance of tricks.

I know now that it must have been somewhere logical but I had missed it so, like a complete twat, I played right into the old ladies hands and said. "Where's the rabbit?"

I expected her to tell me, but quick as a flash, she gave me a stern look and said, "Its magic young man."

The window went up and she pompously drove off into the sunset and I was standing there with my arse in my hands thinking, "How the bloody hell did that get there?"  

I still don't like magicians - they always pull a trick out of the hat when you least expect it.

Wonderful Sad Piano Music

Sometimes a lone piano can make you drift and think about all sorts of past things. Perhaps memories of bygone days or departed relations and friends. The world moves on but you can stop and pause when listening to such things. 

New Dashing British Politician. (Don't trust this man with your vote)

 

Ultra charismatic Bert Pants
Right Honourable MP for Forthrington West



The British government has run out of things to tax and the citizens of the nation are becoming increasingly suspicious of the various stealth taxes that are being brought in. However, one charismatic Conservative MP, Bert Pants, from Forthrington West has come up with a micro meter for every citizen.  These tiny meters can be inserted beneath a layer of skin in the buttock area - preferably close to the rectal opening. The device records flatulence output as it is released from the posterior and the British government is planning to charge its citizens on the amount of combustible gas released into the environment.

Magnified x3
Flactulance Meter

There is a lot of opposition to the move, but the government is insisting that under the present climate, this could be a big source of revenue - especially among lager louts who insist on visits to the curry houses on Friday and Saturday nights after leaving the Pubs.

Health enthusiasts who eat lots of fruit and fibre are saying this is an extremely unfair tax burden upon health conscious people who don't go out and get drunk. However, MP Bert Pants caused further uproar, with his undiplomatic approach, when he said that, "health freaks might think they are being kind to the environment, but it is not the case for unfortunate people who get stuck in the lift with one after a course of fruit and fibre." At the time, he was brandishing a letter from an irate voter as he delivered the damning verdict.

Veronica Crinklebottom of Fruit and Fibre Health Foods Magazine replied furiously to Mr Pants' biased attack. She demanded to know why MPs would be excluded from the Flatulence tax bill.

Hugh Jarris of Fine Ales Magazine also lent his voice to the argument - adding that the MPs were all full of hot air and were too frightened to have flatulence meters because they would make up a sizable percentage of incoming revenue. After all, they liked a harty breakfast in the subsidized canteen and were all in to exotic lunches come afternoon.

No go with the
Flactulance meter

As the controversial argument continues; the world looks on aghast at the British government's gall. Trade Unions are threatening to ballet voters for a national strike. Other organization are campaigning for a wave of civil disobedience as the entire British nation is in a head on rush to let off steam before this legislation is enforced.

(Repeat under different title)

http://www.youtube.com/

Giving You Ward and Gordon of The Ever Victorious Army (China Civil War 1850-1864)



The Ever Victorious Army
Dark Blue = Army
Light Blue = Artillery
White = Bodyguard

The Ever Victorious Army was the name given to an imperial army in China during the Taiping Rebellion. This force was led by foreign mercenaries that fought for the Imperial Qing Dynasty against the Heavenly Kingdom of Peace - the rebels of the Taiping Rebellion.

The Ever Victorious Army was led by an American, to begin with, and had many Chinese soldiers trained by European officers. This strange army was active from 1860 to 1864 and played an important role in destroying the Taiping Rebellion.

The Ever Victorious Army was formed by Frederick Townsend Ward in 1860. He was a young American sailor and soldier of fortune. Much of what he did during Taiping Rebellion was overshadowed by his own nation's civil war which was raging during his time. Ward was a robust young man with progressive ideas. He trained Chinese soldiers with new skills and weapons.

It is also believed that his Chinese Lieutenant and friend, Li Hongzhang was gifted in moulding the fighting force of the Ever Victorious Army to fight for the Empress Dowager and her Qing Dynasty. This radical new trained army was able to defeat larger forces of the heterodox Christian Taiping revolutionaries. The Ever Victorious Army quickly gained victories and the Qing Dynasty gave them the title of "Ever Victorious Army."

However, the dashing Frederick Townsend Ward was killed in September 1862 after the Battle of Cixi. The command of the Ever Victorious Army was eventually given to Charles George Gordon. He would become known as "Chinese" Gordon and later 'Gordon of Khartum,' where he would be killed in Sudan during the Mahdi War.

Gordon's China adventure was twenty years plus before Sudan and with other Chinese Imperial forces, the British officer would fight many of the last major battles bringing an end to the Taiping Rebellion. He got much credit for this and it is argued that Frederick Townsend Ward did not get the recognition he deserved. This was because he was unfortunately killed before the war was over and the American Civil War was more prominent than his endeavours at the time.

When Ward first formed the Ever Victorious Army, they only operated in an area of thirty miles radius of Shanghai. By the time the Taiping Rebellion was crushed with the downfall of Nanking, the Ever Victorious Army had gone much further afield. They were disbanded and paid off in May of 1864.

Giving You Thao Nguyen Xanh-Romance (Sad violin music)

When the violin is played like this; the world seems like a very wonderful place. All the bad things might be overcome one day. All we strive for might come to be. I know it might not seem possible, but when I listen to music like this; I dare to dream. My interest in all things good begins to grow for within such wonderful things good will grow and flourish.

 .

Moyra Melons Bland Ear Rings

Moyra Melons was a little concerned that these ovoid pair were not the best of her collection - as ear rings go, these brown circular things were a little bland.

When her poor husband walked into the room he was confronted by the sight you see before you as Moyra sought an honest opinion from him.

"Do you think these pair are a little less striking then usual?" she asked.

Her poor husband coughed and came over in his usual hot flush. "How can you not be confident with a pair like that dear?"

"I just think they look a little bland and uninteresting - a bit yucky!" she replied.

"You've never had a yucky pair in all your life my little petal. Every pair you display are very outstanding. I can hardly contain myself - you should never lack confidence when displaying anything you decide upon."

Moyra Melons frowned. "So you actually like this pair. They are a horrible uninteresting brown and look so bland. I can't carry these off at a social gathering."

"Oh I think you could carry them off very well my dear. Allow me to explain why." He said as he closed the door.

By the time he had got his point across, Moyra Melons wasn't sure she wanted to carry off such bland ear rings at a social gathering on the basis of other attributes. Her husband had gone to great lengths to demonstrate this. I think she got a certain amount of gratification from his endeavours though I can't think why, can you?

108 year old Australian Boer War Veteran( Anzac Light Horse)

Every now and then a real gem of a video comes about and this one from YouTube is about a 108 year old Australian veteran of the Boer War. This man is from the famous Light Horse and he knew Breaker Morant. He was born in 1881 and this footage must have been done in about 1989. He also went on to fight in WWI and tried to get into the next war (WWII)