New Dashing British Politician. (Don't trust this man with your vote)

 

Ultra charismatic Bert Pants
Right Honourable MP for Forthrington West



The British government has run out of things to tax and the citizens of the nation are becoming increasingly suspicious of the various stealth taxes that are being brought in. However, one charismatic Conservative MP, Bert Pants, from Forthrington West has come up with a micro meter for every citizen.  These tiny meters can be inserted beneath a layer of skin in the buttock area - preferably close to the rectal opening. The device records flatulence output as it is released from the posterior and the British government is planning to charge its citizens on the amount of combustible gas released into the environment.

Magnified x3
Flactulance Meter

There is a lot of opposition to the move, but the government is insisting that under the present climate, this could be a big source of revenue - especially among lager louts who insist on visits to the curry houses on Friday and Saturday nights after leaving the Pubs.

Health enthusiasts who eat lots of fruit and fibre are saying this is an extremely unfair tax burden upon health conscious people who don't go out and get drunk. However, MP Bert Pants caused further uproar, with his undiplomatic approach, when he said that, "health freaks might think they are being kind to the environment, but it is not the case for unfortunate people who get stuck in the lift with one after a course of fruit and fibre." At the time, he was brandishing a letter from an irate voter as he delivered the damning verdict.

Veronica Crinklebottom of Fruit and Fibre Health Foods Magazine replied furiously to Mr Pants' biased attack. She demanded to know why MPs would be excluded from the Flatulence tax bill.

Hugh Jarris of Fine Ales Magazine also lent his voice to the argument - adding that the MPs were all full of hot air and were too frightened to have flatulence meters because they would make up a sizable percentage of incoming revenue. After all, they liked a harty breakfast in the subsidized canteen and were all in to exotic lunches come afternoon.

No go with the
Flactulance meter

As the controversial argument continues; the world looks on aghast at the British government's gall. Trade Unions are threatening to ballet voters for a national strike. Other organization are campaigning for a wave of civil disobedience as the entire British nation is in a head on rush to let off steam before this legislation is enforced.

(Repeat under different title)

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