Moyra Melons' husband was in a hurry to get home from work because it was his birthday and his darling wife said she wanted to make it a special occasion for him with an indoor dinner.
As he walked through the door, he was greeted by the site of his lovely wife really pulling out all the best in private birthday celebrations for him.
"I hope you like these cheeky ones - they're on display especially for you," said Moyra who had bought some spiffingly daring ear rings.
As you might well imagine; Moyra's husband gulped and then coughed before spluttering excitedly. "They really are divine Moyra, but I think I have seen those particular cheeky ones before."
"Of course we must be British," said Moyra. "And thus, under play the cheeky aspect of my fine ear ring presentation."
"Oh rather," replied her excited husband who was once again coming over in a hot pulsating flush. "You are the mistress of understatement where your cheeky ear rings are concerned."
"Is thus so with these cheeky ones?" she asked with an alluring smile.
Moyra's husband slammed the door shut like a 'Devil may care caveman' and wondered if he might live to celebrate his next birthday. He didn't really care because, as one might imagine, he gets to go to heaven on a rather regular basis.
3 comments:
Ah yes, drinks before dinner. A sloe screw for me, and perhaps a good stiff one for Moyra.
I'd then serve up my hot meat and two veg, generously pouring plenty of sauce over her dumplings.
For dessert, some Eton Mess. Don't get too much whipped cream splashed over that uniform, or you may have to lick it all off!
Would Sir like something before dinner? Perhaps Sir might like my special cock-tail?
Thankyou. And perhaps I can give you one, too?
That's very kind, Sir. I'll take it straight up, please, with a twist.
Hold that pose, my dear, and I shall surprise you from behind with a good stiff one!
Thankyou Sir. Now, what would Sir like for his main course?
What can you recommend?
I think Sir would enjoy sinking his teeth into some juicy rump. All my regulars say it's very mouthwatering and succulent.
It certainly looks nice and tender.
Oh it really is, Sir. Chef insists on giving it a thorough pounding before I offer it up.
I'm working up quite an appetite. Is it a generous portion?
I never get any complaints, Sir, and my customers are always very satisfied, judging by the size of the tips they give me!
Perfect. With a baked potato then, please, and some butter.
A big knob? I always help myself to a nice big knob. Full of calories I know, but so hard for a girl to resist!
Well if you're peckish, let me give you some of my meat when it comes.
Very tempting, Sir. But when I get back to the kitchen, Chef has promised me a mouthful of his thick beef sausage. Mmmm....just thinking about it makes my lips tingle!
Don't get over-stuffed; leave room for pudding!
Chef and I are having steamy roly-poly later. Would Sir care to join us?
A dribble of hot sauce?
Well, I'm hoping Chef and Sir will be kind enough to splash their cream all over mine. Messy, I know, but I promise to lick it all up!
Between us, we shall finish off by ensuring you are well and truly covered!
Thankyou, Sir. I look forward to that! Now, while you're waiting, can I offer you something to nibble on?
I'm sure you can, my dear, I'm sure you can.....
I say, very good! Very good indeed.
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