Bringing You The Controversial Flatulence Tax Meter

Bert Pants MP

MP Bert Pants and the Controversial Flatulence Tax Meter

The British government has run out of things to tax. The citizens of the nation are becoming increasingly suspicious of the various stealth taxes that are being brought in. However, one charismatic Conservative MP, Bert Pants, from Forthrington West has come up with a micrometre for every citizen.

These tiny meters can be inserted beneath a layer of skin in the buttock area. Preferably close to the rectal opening. The device records flatulence output as it is released from the posterior. The British government is planning to charge its citizens on the amount of combustible gas released into the environment. Many see this as an outrageous stealth tax move.

There is a fanfare of opposition, but the government is insisting that under the present climate, this could be a big source of revenue. Especially among lager louts who insist on visits to the curry houses on Friday and Saturday nights after leaving the Public houses.

Health enthusiasts, who eat lots of fruit and fibre, are saying this is an extremely unfair tax burden upon health-conscious people.

MP Bert Pants caused a further uproar, with his undiplomatic approach. He said, "Health freaks might think they are being kind to the environment, but it is not the case for unfortunate people who get stuck in the lift with such health-conscious people. Especially after a course of fruit and fibre intake." At the time, Mister Pants was brandishing a letter from an irate voter as he delivered the damning verdict.

Veronica Crinklebottom of Fruit and Fibre Health Foods Magazine replied furiously to Mr Pants' biased attack. She demanded to know why MPs would be excluded from the Flatulence tax bill.

Hugh Jarris of Fine Ales Magazine also lent his voice to the argument. He said, "All MPs are all full of hot air. They are too frightened to have Flatulence meters. We all know they would make up a sizable percentage of incoming revenue. After all, they like a hearty breakfast in the subsidized parliamentary canteen. They are all into exotic lunches come afternoon.

As the controversial argument continues; the world looks on aghast at the British government's gall. Trade Unions are threatening to ballet voters for a national strike. Other organizations are campaigning for a wave of civil disobedience as the entire British nation is in a head-on rush to let off as much steam as possible before this legislation is enforced.