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Friday, 10 June 2011

The Queen's fighting foot and mouth regiment.

1st Clackmananshire (Famous Foot and Mouth) in Peshwaristan. 
The 1st Clackmananshire regiment during the nineteenth century was an infamous force of men that aquired the nickname - the Queen's 'Foot and Mouth' because they could march much further than any other regiment and screamed out colouful metephors in battle.

They were a hard fighting force of Highland infantrymen who developed a ferocious reputation among the durable Tur Nat In tribesman of Peshwaristan.

They burnt their way into the history books under the leadership of Colonel Duncan Farquahson - a robust and self assured leader of rough, hairy, kilted soldiers. They were notorious for not sporting anything of modest bearing beneath their kilts and they liked to let the enemy know it.

This put the fear of a great many nasty things into the heads of the Tur Nat In tribesmen and caused a number of heated debates among the tribal elders around the mountain camp fires.

After various skirmishes with the 'Foot and Mouth' the Tur Nat In realised they would need new tactics to overcome the fearsome 'Devil Soldiers.'

One of the Tur Nat In elders Gechya Gote decided to attack with ten thousand tribesmen from all sides in the next engagement, so ensuring that three quarters of his force would not suffer the fearful indignity of being confronted by the raised kilts and bare essensials of the British soldiers.  

Gechya Gote's chance came when the Foot and Mouth were lured into the position of attack. It was executed with cunning determination by the Tur Nat In tribesman. Once surrounded, Gechya Gote placed his most experianced and brave men to attack the 'Foot and Mouth' face on. Thus leaving the remainder to cover the three sides where they would not be exposed to the terrifying sight of the raised kilts.

All looked lost for the 'Foot and Mouth.' As the tribesman were almost upon them, swinging their razor sharp weapons, Colonel Farquarhson barked the order to form the classic British square and then, more crucially, the much feared order... 'Raise Kilts.'

The effect upon the advancing Tur Nat In was immediate and catastrophic. The weaker willed among them, turned and fled. Many of them ran head long over the edge of a ravine in blind panic; which resulted in the deaths of an estimated three thousand Turn Nat In tribesman!

Seeing the demise of his beloved warriors, Gechya Gote retired from the field and never again engaged the 1st Clackmananshire regiment (Queen's Foot and Mouth) in battle.

The 'Foot and Mouth' pacified this region of the North West Frontier and such is their enduring reputation, that to this day, Peshwari mothers coerce their infants to go to sleep lest the dreaded 'Foot and Mouth' soldiers return.

Remakably, the deeds of this brave regiment have only been recorded once through the modern media. I am speaking, of course, of the touching tribute made to the 1st Clacks' in that classic film, Carry on Up the Khyber.




   
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